Sorry I've been gone for a few days, kiddies. I was travelling, and so I wasn't cooking. Maybe I should have posted restaurant reviews, but since I didn't go anywhere special (either good or bad), it might have been a waste of time (Tonight on The Idiot's Cookbook: the Chef goes to Chik-Fil-A!) Anyway, I'm back and cooking, and wanted to offer you this beef pie.
Garlic
2 tbsp butter
1 pound ground meat
2 frozen pie crusts
8 oz raw shredded carrots
8 oz sliced mushrooms
Pepper
Sugar
Salt
1/4 cup ketchup
2 tsp yellow mustard
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Put the pie crusts out to thaw. Melt butter in skillet, then cook garlic in it. Add ground beef and brown. Add carrots, mushrooms, and the remainder of the ingredients to the skillet and stir together. Finally, add one cup water. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 15 minutes. Pour filling into one pie crust, and cover with the second (including crimping and venting). Bake for 40 minutes.
Deliciousness! You should, although you are not required to, brush the top piecrust with eggwhite.
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
The Idiot Chef, Day 7: Pan Chicken
I can't claim credit for this, as it came from my esteemed co-blogger (who has yet to utter a peep in public). But the good thing about this is that it is infinitely versatile. Cook garlic and onions in oil, sear meat in the result, then make sauce from "drippings," add veggies, finish meat, add pasta, and Poof! Instant meal.
So, this is the particular variation of tonight:
Egg noodles
Beef broth
Salt
Chicken, bite-size
Garlic
Butter
Scallions
Veggies (I used snow peas, carrots, and mushrooms, but anything works)
Cornstarch (if needed; I'll explain in a bit).
Dry mustard
Cayenne pepper
Cook noodles in broth and salt. While noodles are cooking, caramelize garlic and scallions in melted butter over low heat. Add mustard and cayenne, raise heat to high, add chicken. Sear chicken and remove from pan. Drain pasta into pan, add another half stick of butter, and veggies. If the sauce doesn't thicken, add cornstarch. Add veggies, cook until crisp, add chicken and pasta. Cook until the chicken is done. Serve.
Verdict: this was so good I didn't bother to get a plate. I ate directly from the pan, and that way I prevented having to share with my roommate. Holy crap this was the best thing I've made so far. You must try it.
So, this is the particular variation of tonight:
Egg noodles
Beef broth
Salt
Chicken, bite-size
Garlic
Butter
Scallions
Veggies (I used snow peas, carrots, and mushrooms, but anything works)
Cornstarch (if needed; I'll explain in a bit).
Dry mustard
Cayenne pepper
Cook noodles in broth and salt. While noodles are cooking, caramelize garlic and scallions in melted butter over low heat. Add mustard and cayenne, raise heat to high, add chicken. Sear chicken and remove from pan. Drain pasta into pan, add another half stick of butter, and veggies. If the sauce doesn't thicken, add cornstarch. Add veggies, cook until crisp, add chicken and pasta. Cook until the chicken is done. Serve.
Verdict: this was so good I didn't bother to get a plate. I ate directly from the pan, and that way I prevented having to share with my roommate. Holy crap this was the best thing I've made so far. You must try it.
Monday, February 22, 2010
The Idiot Chef, Day 6: Potato Salad
Today, I make the basic, simple, stupid potato salad. There are many other variations on potato salad, but I happen to like this one.
Potatoes (if using a potato with a thick skin, peel it; otherwise, leave the skin on. It's good for ya).
White vinegar
Mayo
Hot sauce
Boil potatoes (cut them up before or after, your choice). Drain. And remaining ingredients. Mix well.
Ta-da. I've made this kinda watery (too much vinegar) and kinda crunchy (didn't cook the potatoes long enough). Neither is really satisfying, but the solution is pretty simple. If the potatoes don't mash before you add the wet ingredients, put 'em back in the water. I'm not saying mash the potatoes - just push at them. If they're done, you'll tell. And the fix for too much vinegar is probably pretty obvious - more mayo.
Potatoes (if using a potato with a thick skin, peel it; otherwise, leave the skin on. It's good for ya).
White vinegar
Mayo
Hot sauce
Boil potatoes (cut them up before or after, your choice). Drain. And remaining ingredients. Mix well.
Ta-da. I've made this kinda watery (too much vinegar) and kinda crunchy (didn't cook the potatoes long enough). Neither is really satisfying, but the solution is pretty simple. If the potatoes don't mash before you add the wet ingredients, put 'em back in the water. I'm not saying mash the potatoes - just push at them. If they're done, you'll tell. And the fix for too much vinegar is probably pretty obvious - more mayo.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Weekend Idiot Chef: Grocery Shopping
Food preparation is only half the battle in cooking and eating. Food selection is the other half. Grocery shopping can present a great challenge to the idiots among us, because if you go to a halfway decent grocery store, the dizzying array of choices can actually prevent you from making any choice at all. Thus, if you don't know what you want when you walk into the grocery store, you may walk out with a box of saltines and a can of refried beans. As tasty as those two items are, they won't make much of a meal, or very many meals either.
So, when grocery shopping, it is necessary to have a plan. The simplest way to create one is to plan your weekly cooking (or monthly, or daily, or however often you grocery shop) and make your grocery list from that. I suppose there might be other mechanisms, I just can't think of them. In fact, I'm not sure that they're anywhere near as efficient as the simple system of figuring out what you want to cook and buying it.
So, here's my grocery list (just the food items; there's other things I need that don't involve The Idiot's Cookbook).
Milk (whatever size you buy, buy it every week and make sure you use up the old milk before you go; nothing's a bigger space sink in your refrigerator than the almost-empty milk jug AND the new, full one).
Sparkling water (my soda replacement; cheaper and less empty calories).
Hot sauce (I used the last of it up, and it's important generically in addition to some plans I have for this week).
Soy sauce (same).
Mayo (I buy Hellmann's, and you really can taste the difference, especially if you're making stuff where mayo takes the flavor lead).
Ground meat (generally I buy chuck).
Chicken (I buy it in large containers that are cheaper than the shrink-wrapped, and last week they were out).
Stir fry veggies (that's right, we'll be making stir fry this week).
Onion (I tend to buy the sweet yellow onions unless a recipe specifically says hot or white).
Shredded carrots
Sugar
Yellow mustard (I don't use this as a condiment, so unless a recipe calls for it, I don't keep it around).
Frozen piecrusts (you'll see).
Canned onion soup
Frozen broccoli (Frozen vegetables are just as nutritious as fresh, and if you're baking them, like I am, there's no difference in taste).
Cream of celery soup
Fancy cheese (cheese is my weakness, and I intend to treat myself this week to a block of Really. Good. Cheese. I will probably eat it for dinner tonight with a fruit something-or-other).
Lemon
One other warning: do not go to the grocery store hungry. You will buy things you didn't intend to. Yes, you will. Don't argue.
So, when grocery shopping, it is necessary to have a plan. The simplest way to create one is to plan your weekly cooking (or monthly, or daily, or however often you grocery shop) and make your grocery list from that. I suppose there might be other mechanisms, I just can't think of them. In fact, I'm not sure that they're anywhere near as efficient as the simple system of figuring out what you want to cook and buying it.
So, here's my grocery list (just the food items; there's other things I need that don't involve The Idiot's Cookbook).
Milk (whatever size you buy, buy it every week and make sure you use up the old milk before you go; nothing's a bigger space sink in your refrigerator than the almost-empty milk jug AND the new, full one).
Sparkling water (my soda replacement; cheaper and less empty calories).
Hot sauce (I used the last of it up, and it's important generically in addition to some plans I have for this week).
Soy sauce (same).
Mayo (I buy Hellmann's, and you really can taste the difference, especially if you're making stuff where mayo takes the flavor lead).
Ground meat (generally I buy chuck).
Chicken (I buy it in large containers that are cheaper than the shrink-wrapped, and last week they were out).
Stir fry veggies (that's right, we'll be making stir fry this week).
Onion (I tend to buy the sweet yellow onions unless a recipe specifically says hot or white).
Shredded carrots
Sugar
Yellow mustard (I don't use this as a condiment, so unless a recipe calls for it, I don't keep it around).
Frozen piecrusts (you'll see).
Canned onion soup
Frozen broccoli (Frozen vegetables are just as nutritious as fresh, and if you're baking them, like I am, there's no difference in taste).
Cream of celery soup
Fancy cheese (cheese is my weakness, and I intend to treat myself this week to a block of Really. Good. Cheese. I will probably eat it for dinner tonight with a fruit something-or-other).
Lemon
One other warning: do not go to the grocery store hungry. You will buy things you didn't intend to. Yes, you will. Don't argue.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Idiot Chef, Day 5: Idiot's Stroganoff
This is my mother's stroganoff recipe. It is, honestly, rather sad in comparison to other stroganoff recipes I've seen (braised short ribs in a mushroom cream sauce, anyone?), but its virtues are:
1) It is easy (more on that later).
2) It is cheap (ground beef instead of steak, canned soup and sour cream instead of a scratch cream sauce).
3) It is fast (at most takes fifteen minutes - it can take that long just to brown steak cuts).
You'll probably see some variations on this as time goes on and I start trying the seven or eight OTHER stroganoff recipes I have (have I mentioned I love stroganoff?).
1 pound ground beef
can golden mushroom soup
can of beef broth (I buy broth in bulk, so I just filled the empty soup can with broth).
1 jar sliced mushrooms (I suppose you could use fresh, but given the rest of the recipe, why bother?)
Worcestershire sauce (2 tbsp.-ish)
Egg noodles (not sure how much; I'll explain why in a minute).
Sour cream (the recipe calls for 8 oz; I had a little less, but it didn't present a problem).
Brown the meat and drain the excess fat. Add the liquid ingredients and the mushrooms and bring to a boil. Stir in egg noodles, cover and cook until noodles are tender (5-8 minutes, max). Remove from heat, stir in sour cream. Serve immediately, and immediately refrigerate any leftovers (the sour cream does not wait for you to watch LOST before it goes bad).
Unfortunately, I didn't do such a good job on this one. First mistake: too much meat. The recipe as written fits comfortably in a 10-inch skillet. I used a pound and a half of meat. This meant that when the time came to add the noodles that my skillet was really crowded. I thought, "oh, well, I'll just add the noodles a handful at a time to keep it from getting too full." Which would have worked, had I removed it from the heat. Unfortunately, the liquid was still merrily boiling while I added egg noodles like they were my last eye of newt. Which meant it all boiled away. Which meant that the meat and etc. at the bottom of the pan started to stick. Then burn. I add more broth in an effort to prevent it, but to no avail. The parts that didn't taste of char were perfect; unfortunately, that was only slightly more than half the dish. Lesson learned: use 1 pound of meat, and add the noodles all at once.
1) It is easy (more on that later).
2) It is cheap (ground beef instead of steak, canned soup and sour cream instead of a scratch cream sauce).
3) It is fast (at most takes fifteen minutes - it can take that long just to brown steak cuts).
You'll probably see some variations on this as time goes on and I start trying the seven or eight OTHER stroganoff recipes I have (have I mentioned I love stroganoff?).
1 pound ground beef
can golden mushroom soup
can of beef broth (I buy broth in bulk, so I just filled the empty soup can with broth).
1 jar sliced mushrooms (I suppose you could use fresh, but given the rest of the recipe, why bother?)
Worcestershire sauce (2 tbsp.-ish)
Egg noodles (not sure how much; I'll explain why in a minute).
Sour cream (the recipe calls for 8 oz; I had a little less, but it didn't present a problem).
Brown the meat and drain the excess fat. Add the liquid ingredients and the mushrooms and bring to a boil. Stir in egg noodles, cover and cook until noodles are tender (5-8 minutes, max). Remove from heat, stir in sour cream. Serve immediately, and immediately refrigerate any leftovers (the sour cream does not wait for you to watch LOST before it goes bad).
Unfortunately, I didn't do such a good job on this one. First mistake: too much meat. The recipe as written fits comfortably in a 10-inch skillet. I used a pound and a half of meat. This meant that when the time came to add the noodles that my skillet was really crowded. I thought, "oh, well, I'll just add the noodles a handful at a time to keep it from getting too full." Which would have worked, had I removed it from the heat. Unfortunately, the liquid was still merrily boiling while I added egg noodles like they were my last eye of newt. Which meant it all boiled away. Which meant that the meat and etc. at the bottom of the pan started to stick. Then burn. I add more broth in an effort to prevent it, but to no avail. The parts that didn't taste of char were perfect; unfortunately, that was only slightly more than half the dish. Lesson learned: use 1 pound of meat, and add the noodles all at once.
The Idiot Chef, Day 4: Bag o' Salad with Homemade Dressing
I blush to confess that I just woke up - again - so rather than just throw up my hands and admit defeat, I thought I would offer a silly sauce that my family uses as salad dressing. Once more, I should note that with this recipe, everything is REALLY approximate.
1 part ketchup (say, 1 cup)
1 part mayo (any amount, as long as it's the the same amount as the ketchup - or close enough. And don't use that light mayo, it's foul).
pickle juice (from a jar of pickles. What, did you think I was going to say, "get pickling spice and dissolve it in water?" That's work).
Garlic (as with most items that use garlic in my cookbook, the proper amount is "spoon (since we use a jar of minced garlic) until you think there's too much, then add one more spoonful." If you're using fresh garlic, use a little less, since you won't be cooking it. The bite of fresh garlic will make you cry if there's too much).
Liquid Smoke (this is a real thing in the world, even though it sounds like something somebody made up. Just buy a bottle. You won't regret it.)
Mix all ingredient together. Look. It should be sort of orangey-pinky, maybe the color of pink salmon (if it's the orange of sashimi salmon, you need more mayo). Taste. It should have a fairly neutral base flavor, with smoky overtones and a pickley finish. If you can't taste the smoke, add more - you guessed it - liquid smoke. If it lacks a pickle bite, add more pickle juice or garlic. If it begins to be watery, you'll need more mayo. If, on the other hand, it starts to develop a strong mayo flavor, add some ketchup to bring it back. When you have it where you think you want it, serve as a dipping sauce or like I did, as a dressing for a bag'o'salad.
All of that seems really hard to me, and I'm sorry, but that's how we do it. Now is when I really need a camera, because being able to see the dip would help. Alas, alack, there is no joy in Mudville, no balm in Gilead, no help from Rohan, no, uh, something in somewhere, because like I said on day 1, I don't own a camera.
As an alternative, feel free to post comments here with pictures of your efforts, and I will tell you if they look right. For now, that is the best I can do.
1 part ketchup (say, 1 cup)
1 part mayo (any amount, as long as it's the the same amount as the ketchup - or close enough. And don't use that light mayo, it's foul).
pickle juice (from a jar of pickles. What, did you think I was going to say, "get pickling spice and dissolve it in water?" That's work).
Garlic (as with most items that use garlic in my cookbook, the proper amount is "spoon (since we use a jar of minced garlic) until you think there's too much, then add one more spoonful." If you're using fresh garlic, use a little less, since you won't be cooking it. The bite of fresh garlic will make you cry if there's too much).
Liquid Smoke (this is a real thing in the world, even though it sounds like something somebody made up. Just buy a bottle. You won't regret it.)
Mix all ingredient together. Look. It should be sort of orangey-pinky, maybe the color of pink salmon (if it's the orange of sashimi salmon, you need more mayo). Taste. It should have a fairly neutral base flavor, with smoky overtones and a pickley finish. If you can't taste the smoke, add more - you guessed it - liquid smoke. If it lacks a pickle bite, add more pickle juice or garlic. If it begins to be watery, you'll need more mayo. If, on the other hand, it starts to develop a strong mayo flavor, add some ketchup to bring it back. When you have it where you think you want it, serve as a dipping sauce or like I did, as a dressing for a bag'o'salad.
All of that seems really hard to me, and I'm sorry, but that's how we do it. Now is when I really need a camera, because being able to see the dip would help. Alas, alack, there is no joy in Mudville, no balm in Gilead, no help from Rohan, no, uh, something in somewhere, because like I said on day 1, I don't own a camera.
As an alternative, feel free to post comments here with pictures of your efforts, and I will tell you if they look right. For now, that is the best I can do.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
The Idiot Chef, Day 3: Failure So Soon
No new recipe today, kiddies. That is what happens when you go, "Oh, I'll just take a half-hour's nap after work," and your body says, "No, you will sleep a full night's sleep before midnight." Dinner tonight was reheated bland curry from last night (although it was better - I think the longer it sits, the more the vegetables and chicken absorb the liquid and therefore the flavor). So, my apologies, and hopefully tomorrow we'll come roaring back with an actual story about cooking misadventures.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
The Idiot Chef, Day 2: Idiot's Thai Curry
I cannot imagine an easier way to make a hot meal than "mix it all up in a bowl and nuke it to death." You can make positively anything that way. You could even make Roast Kitten, although I would personally beat you within an inch of your life and then burn you the rest of the way if I ever found out (putting your kitten in the microwave to "dry it," while tragic, is not evil in the same way - just stupid). But tonight's dinner is literally that easy. I'll confess - I found it at allrecipes.com, so this is not an Idiot Chef original. I did, however, as promised on Day 1, tweak it a little. You can find the original here. So, without further ado: Idiot's Thai Curry.
1 pound boneless skinless chicken breasts (the only type of chicken I buy, but for those weird people who buy other cuts of chicken, I will specify) (A pound is two or three breasts, FYI).
1 medium yellow onion, chopped or sliced ("Medium" being "around six inches in diameter").
1 cup peeled potatoes (only bother peeling if you're using bakers [the big poo-colored ones]. Anything else has a thin enough skin that you can get away with just cutting away the eyes) (1 cup will be about two bakers [maybe a little less], or three to five smaller potatoes - use your judgment)
1 cup baby carrots (cut them or not, your choice - I left them whole) (I bought a 16-oz package, and used half. Presumably you can do the simple arithmetic from whatever size package you buy).
1 can coconut milk (or, if you're crazy, buy a coconut, spend three hours bashing it open, and hopefully you'll get 8 oz of fluid - you know what, just buy the damn can).
1 cup chicken broth
Cumin (1 tbsp-ish)
Curry powder (the same)
Hot sauce (Whatever looks right)
Mix everything in a microwave-safe bowl. Cover tightly and microwave on high 30-40 minutes.
As the inexperienced sportscaster said, "Boom goes the dynamite." There is literally no way to screw this bad boy up unless your microwave fails to start and you don't notice. Even then, all that means is that dinner is postponed half an hour while you twiddle your thumbs - again.
Because I too am an idiot who needs to pause to think things through, a few safety rules:
1) When cutting both vegetables and raw meat, you have a couple options. Probably the safest option is to use different knives and cutting boards for both. But if you are truly a kitchen idiot, you may only have one of each. In that case, make sure you cut the vegetables first and store them somewhere, then the meat. If there's anyone in your house below the age of reason, like, say, a small child, a pet, or Anne Coulter, as soon as you're done cutting the meat, wash the knife, the cutting board, and your hands.
2) I'm nervous about microwaving raw meat, so as a personal matter I recommend using a cooking time at the upper end of the required range for this dish. If you know your microwave is high-wattage, feel free to disregard this; although if you know that, why the hell are you at THIS blog? Go somewhere where they do hard cooking!
3) Do not, like I did, brandish your knife at the cat. They won't understand your point, and you might hurt them.
It's in your interest to go big on the dish you put this in. It makes a lot of stuff, and then you have to mix it all up, which requires some room to move in the dish. Use the biggest microwavable bowl you have that will fit in your microwave.
Now, as to the variations: I skipped the lima beans and the tomatoes. For the tomatoes, my only excuse is that when I went grocery shopping, I thought I had diced tomatoes, and I didn't. I skipped the lima beans because they are foul.
Now, as to how the dish tastes: I don't know. It's cooking now. I'll update this post when it's done.
UPDATE: How It Turned Out: In terms of looks, it's pretty unappetizing. The solids from the coconut milk separated somewhat from the liquid, and I really used too much chicken broth (now it's more of a soup than a stew). It smells delicious - made the whole apartment smell wonderfully of curry. If you're using Sauer's curry powder, like I am, I would recommend using additional cumin - Sauer's is very heavy on cinnamon, and cumin is the flavor you really associate with curry.
Taste: honestly, it's pretty bland. But I think I know why. I couldn't find an 8-oz can of coconut milk, so I just used what I had - a 14-ouncer. I therefore increased the amount of chicken broth to match. Do. Not. Do. This. Instead, REDUCE the amount of chicken broth so that the total liquid is 16 ounces. That ought to solve the problem of the flavorings getting lost in the liquid.
1 pound boneless skinless chicken breasts (the only type of chicken I buy, but for those weird people who buy other cuts of chicken, I will specify) (A pound is two or three breasts, FYI).
1 medium yellow onion, chopped or sliced ("Medium" being "around six inches in diameter").
1 cup peeled potatoes (only bother peeling if you're using bakers [the big poo-colored ones]. Anything else has a thin enough skin that you can get away with just cutting away the eyes) (1 cup will be about two bakers [maybe a little less], or three to five smaller potatoes - use your judgment)
1 cup baby carrots (cut them or not, your choice - I left them whole) (I bought a 16-oz package, and used half. Presumably you can do the simple arithmetic from whatever size package you buy).
1 can coconut milk (or, if you're crazy, buy a coconut, spend three hours bashing it open, and hopefully you'll get 8 oz of fluid - you know what, just buy the damn can).
1 cup chicken broth
Cumin (1 tbsp-ish)
Curry powder (the same)
Hot sauce (Whatever looks right)
Mix everything in a microwave-safe bowl. Cover tightly and microwave on high 30-40 minutes.
As the inexperienced sportscaster said, "Boom goes the dynamite." There is literally no way to screw this bad boy up unless your microwave fails to start and you don't notice. Even then, all that means is that dinner is postponed half an hour while you twiddle your thumbs - again.
Because I too am an idiot who needs to pause to think things through, a few safety rules:
1) When cutting both vegetables and raw meat, you have a couple options. Probably the safest option is to use different knives and cutting boards for both. But if you are truly a kitchen idiot, you may only have one of each. In that case, make sure you cut the vegetables first and store them somewhere, then the meat. If there's anyone in your house below the age of reason, like, say, a small child, a pet, or Anne Coulter, as soon as you're done cutting the meat, wash the knife, the cutting board, and your hands.
2) I'm nervous about microwaving raw meat, so as a personal matter I recommend using a cooking time at the upper end of the required range for this dish. If you know your microwave is high-wattage, feel free to disregard this; although if you know that, why the hell are you at THIS blog? Go somewhere where they do hard cooking!
3) Do not, like I did, brandish your knife at the cat. They won't understand your point, and you might hurt them.
It's in your interest to go big on the dish you put this in. It makes a lot of stuff, and then you have to mix it all up, which requires some room to move in the dish. Use the biggest microwavable bowl you have that will fit in your microwave.
Now, as to the variations: I skipped the lima beans and the tomatoes. For the tomatoes, my only excuse is that when I went grocery shopping, I thought I had diced tomatoes, and I didn't. I skipped the lima beans because they are foul.
Now, as to how the dish tastes: I don't know. It's cooking now. I'll update this post when it's done.
UPDATE: How It Turned Out: In terms of looks, it's pretty unappetizing. The solids from the coconut milk separated somewhat from the liquid, and I really used too much chicken broth (now it's more of a soup than a stew). It smells delicious - made the whole apartment smell wonderfully of curry. If you're using Sauer's curry powder, like I am, I would recommend using additional cumin - Sauer's is very heavy on cinnamon, and cumin is the flavor you really associate with curry.
Taste: honestly, it's pretty bland. But I think I know why. I couldn't find an 8-oz can of coconut milk, so I just used what I had - a 14-ouncer. I therefore increased the amount of chicken broth to match. Do. Not. Do. This. Instead, REDUCE the amount of chicken broth so that the total liquid is 16 ounces. That ought to solve the problem of the flavorings getting lost in the liquid.
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