The Idiot Chef, Day 2: Idiot's Thai Curry

I cannot imagine an easier way to make a hot meal than "mix it all up in a bowl and nuke it to death." You can make positively anything that way. You could even make Roast Kitten, although I would personally beat you within an inch of your life and then burn you the rest of the way if I ever found out (putting your kitten in the microwave to "dry it," while tragic, is not evil in the same way - just stupid). But tonight's dinner is literally that easy. I'll confess - I found it at allrecipes.com, so this is not an Idiot Chef original. I did, however, as promised on Day 1, tweak it a little. You can find the original here. So, without further ado: Idiot's Thai Curry.

1 pound boneless skinless chicken breasts (the only type of chicken I buy, but for those weird people who buy other cuts of chicken, I will specify) (A pound is two or three breasts, FYI).

1 medium yellow onion, chopped or sliced ("Medium" being "around six inches in diameter").

1 cup peeled potatoes (only bother peeling if you're using bakers [the big poo-colored ones]. Anything else has a thin enough skin that you can get away with just cutting away the eyes) (1 cup will be about two bakers [maybe a little less], or three to five smaller potatoes - use your judgment)

1 cup baby carrots (cut them or not, your choice - I left them whole) (I bought a 16-oz package, and used half. Presumably you can do the simple arithmetic from whatever size package you buy).

1 can coconut milk (or, if you're crazy, buy a coconut, spend three hours bashing it open, and hopefully you'll get 8 oz of fluid - you know what, just buy the damn can).

1 cup chicken broth

Cumin (1 tbsp-ish)

Curry powder (the same)

Hot sauce (Whatever looks right)

Mix everything in a microwave-safe bowl. Cover tightly and microwave on high 30-40 minutes.

As the inexperienced sportscaster said, "Boom goes the dynamite." There is literally no way to screw this bad boy up unless your microwave fails to start and you don't notice. Even then, all that means is that dinner is postponed half an hour while you twiddle your thumbs - again.

Because I too am an idiot who needs to pause to think things through, a few safety rules:

1) When cutting both vegetables and raw meat, you have a couple options. Probably the safest option is to use different knives and cutting boards for both. But if you are truly a kitchen idiot, you may only have one of each. In that case, make sure you cut the vegetables first and store them somewhere, then the meat. If there's anyone in your house below the age of reason, like, say, a small child, a pet, or Anne Coulter, as soon as you're done cutting the meat, wash the knife, the cutting board, and your hands.

2) I'm nervous about microwaving raw meat, so as a personal matter I recommend using a cooking time at the upper end of the required range for this dish. If you know your microwave is high-wattage, feel free to disregard this; although if you know that, why the hell are you at THIS blog? Go somewhere where they do hard cooking!

3) Do not, like I did, brandish your knife at the cat. They won't understand your point, and you might hurt them.

It's in your interest to go big on the dish you put this in. It makes a lot of stuff, and then you have to mix it all up, which requires some room to move in the dish. Use the biggest microwavable bowl you have that will fit in your microwave.

Now, as to the variations: I skipped the lima beans and the tomatoes. For the tomatoes, my only excuse is that when I went grocery shopping, I thought I had diced tomatoes, and I didn't. I skipped the lima beans because they are foul.

Now, as to how the dish tastes: I don't know. It's cooking now. I'll update this post when it's done.

UPDATE: How It Turned Out: In terms of looks, it's pretty unappetizing. The solids from the coconut milk separated somewhat from the liquid, and I really used too much chicken broth (now it's more of a soup than a stew). It smells delicious - made the whole apartment smell wonderfully of curry. If you're using Sauer's curry powder, like I am, I would recommend using additional cumin - Sauer's is very heavy on cinnamon, and cumin is the flavor you really associate with curry.

Taste: honestly, it's pretty bland. But I think I know why. I couldn't find an 8-oz can of coconut milk, so I just used what I had - a 14-ouncer. I therefore increased the amount of chicken broth to match. Do. Not. Do. This. Instead, REDUCE the amount of chicken broth so that the total liquid is 16 ounces. That ought to solve the problem of the flavorings getting lost in the liquid.