The Idiot Chef, Day 4: Bag o' Salad with Homemade Dressing

I blush to confess that I just woke up - again - so rather than just throw up my hands and admit defeat, I thought I would offer a silly sauce that my family uses as salad dressing. Once more, I should note that with this recipe, everything is REALLY approximate.

1 part ketchup (say, 1 cup)

1 part mayo (any amount, as long as it's the the same amount as the ketchup - or close enough. And don't use that light mayo, it's foul).

pickle juice (from a jar of pickles. What, did you think I was going to say, "get pickling spice and dissolve it in water?" That's work).

Garlic (as with most items that use garlic in my cookbook, the proper amount is "spoon (since we use a jar of minced garlic) until you think there's too much, then add one more spoonful." If you're using fresh garlic, use a little less, since you won't be cooking it. The bite of fresh garlic will make you cry if there's too much).

Liquid Smoke (this is a real thing in the world, even though it sounds like something somebody made up. Just buy a bottle. You won't regret it.)

Mix all ingredient together. Look. It should be sort of orangey-pinky, maybe the color of pink salmon (if it's the orange of sashimi salmon, you need more mayo). Taste. It should have a fairly neutral base flavor, with smoky overtones and a pickley finish. If you can't taste the smoke, add more - you guessed it - liquid smoke. If it lacks a pickle bite, add more pickle juice or garlic. If it begins to be watery, you'll need more mayo. If, on the other hand, it starts to develop a strong mayo flavor, add some ketchup to bring it back. When you have it where you think you want it, serve as a dipping sauce or like I did, as a dressing for a bag'o'salad.

All of that seems really hard to me, and I'm sorry, but that's how we do it. Now is when I really need a camera, because being able to see the dip would help. Alas, alack, there is no joy in Mudville, no balm in Gilead, no help from Rohan, no, uh, something in somewhere, because like I said on day 1, I don't own a camera.

As an alternative, feel free to post comments here with pictures of your efforts, and I will tell you if they look right. For now, that is the best I can do.